Well I have had some time to let the first “Visit” digest, I’ve cleared my head a little, and have come to realize I am now an “official birth mother“. I still can’t believe my adopted out son is in my life now. This all seems to be a dream.

I was looking at some pictures that were taken at the time of his visit and there is one with my other three children and him.
When I look at mine and my husband’s children I get a kind of warmth, I guess from having raised such wonderful people. Then when I look at “him” I feel a kind of failure on my part. I let him go off and grow up without me. His adoptive parents were very good to him and he had more chances than I could ever have given him, but that has little effect on how I feel. It’s really a paradox I am sure most birth mothers find themselves in…I am so happy he has had a wonderful childhood and has turned out to be a great guy, but I am still struggling with the fact that I was not a part of all that. But, on the bright side, I will be in his life from now on…and that is pretty awesome.

If you are still on the fence about trying to find your birth parents or adopted out child I recommend that you go for it. Don’t wait. You never know how much time you will have left and why not share it with that beautiful baby you gave life to, or your birth mother and/or father. It’s a chapter in your life that can be closed or opened up to an amazing new story line. You have nothing more to lose but all the doubts you have had through the years. You’ve already missed out on so much. It’s okay to be nervous, but don’t let imagined fears hold you back. And for all you birth mothers out there wondering about your adopted out child, JUST…GO…FOR…IT!

I am Meeting My Son Today! This was all that was going through my head until he finally arrived at our house. My adopted out son (Brian) arrived on July 9th and it was amazing. I first had to just look at him trying to believe he was actually standing in front of me. Just to touch his face and hold him for the first time since he was born was one of the most wonderful things I ever experienced. We bonded, talked and we even had a small party to introduce him to family and friends. Now when I talk to him on the phone I have memories and a face to go with the conversation. The next visit I think will be more comfortable for him.

What was really great is how well my husband and children accepted Brian into the family. It really made me count my blessings. My husband has been supportive of my situation throughout our lives, but it really made me feel…I guess I just can’t put it into words…truly, truly grateful. I think he was as nervous about meeting my son today as I was.

We took a drive by his boyhood home. After seeing the beautiful home he was raised in I felt better about my decision so many years ago. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to connect with him. All those years I was afraid to search for him was such a waist of  precious time and I don’t recommend the wait. Life is too short. Don’t put off a decision you can make today. There may be no tomorrow.

Joe’s comment got me to thinking about when I was Sixteen and Pregnant and why a child may wish to find his/her birth parents. The situation may have been similar to mine. This is how I came to the decision to give my son up for adoption.

Sixteen and Pregnant-Realities

When I was Sixteen and Pregnant for two months, I decided to run away to escape all the pushing and arguing my family was doing over my baby and I. I had a friend who lived with a woman who had just had a baby. This woman was a single mom. I hung out there for a day watching their activities and at one point I was on the front porch watching the baby sleep. I was a little concerned that they would leave this baby outside in a bassinet all by itself. As I stood there watching this tiny baby it hit me. How am I going to take care of my baby? I have no where to live and no money. I could get a job but that would only last until the baby was born, and then what? I didn’t know anyone who I could bunk with or who could take care of the baby while I worked. I wanted better for my child. So I went back home and told everyone that I would agree to the adoption if they followed a few terms that I laid out. And before I knew it the baby boy was born and gone.

Sixteen and Pregnant – Living with Your Decision

My whole life I had occasional doubts if this was the right thing to do. I have been fortunate enough to have a great marriage and three great children with my husband. In my mind I knew it was the right thing to do for both my son and I, but the heartstrings pulled on occasion.

Wow, my son found me! I get more excited as the days pass by. You see, I will be seeing him for the first time in 38 years. Maybe I should explain.

My Son – the Beginning

When I was 17 years old (38 years ago) I met a guy who was incredibly cool and a drummer in a band. I hung with him every chance I could get. Well one night at a “party,” now remember it was the early 70’s, we went off on our own and well you guessed it, another teen pregnancy.

My Son-the Battle to Keep Him

After a long battle with the parent’s and family I was forced to give my son up for adoption. I laid down a few rules and  they all told me they found someone who fit the bill.  As it turned out it was a family related to my brother-in-laws boss or something like that. After turning my son over to the authorities involved with this, I cried, and cried. My sister who was at the hospital with me and my mother, didn’t want me crying in front of my mom because she claimed it was too hard on HER! So I sucked it up and never said another word to the family about it.

Through the years my son has often crossed my mind. Every time I saw a baby or a toddler I wondered who my son looked like? What was he like? Was he happy? I tried many times to look him up but it cost money back then to find someone. I also wondered if I would be gumming things up. I didn’t know if he knew and I didn’t want to upset the people who were so wonderful to take my son in.

My Son – Reaching Out

Well, times changed and a little thing called Facebook came along and BAM! I was found. I received a direct message on Facebook one day from his spouse asking me if I was his mother and he left me some details of my son’s birth. I knew it was my son. Shortly after that we began phoning each other and slowly began the process of getting to know one another. I was so nervous to have that first phone conversation…but it went well.

He has found out he has two half brothers and a half sister, who all can’t wait to meet him. Like I said, my son is coming here from Georgia where   lives, to meet us all on July 8. I am nervous and excited and can’t wait for that day. I will keep you up dated on everything as it unfolds. Wish me luck.