Find Birth Parents -  Preparation

After you have started your research you’ll want to prepare yourself for the reunion.  First you’ll want to keep your expectations low and take it one step at a time.  Keeping the communications light and easy until you’ve gotten to know each other a little better.

This person or persons are really strangers to you so take it slow at first, allowing your new relationship to slowly unfold.  Once you’ve gotten to know each other a little bit you can then start to address the emotional topics which will of course arise.

Find Birth Parents – Don’t Rush

Take it slow and easy and everything will fall into place. And if things don’t go well at first you now have the rest of your lives to figure it out. They might be some hurt feelings or resentments but the important thing is to remember there is a healing process no matter how well or bad the meeting went.  But I am not trying to scare you I am just laying down the facts.

Good luck and happy hunting trying to find birth parents, and don’t worry the person you are searching for just might want to find you too.

Individual First Name Last Name For females, use maiden name (last name before marriage) Father First Name Last Name Mother First Name Last Name Visit OneGreatFamily.com

Reuniting With My Adopted Out Son

Life is very difficult right now with everything going on around the world so, I think reuniting with family like a son or parents could lift your spirits a lot. And it’s a wonderful feeling to hug a lost loved one. Hurry before it’s too late. Read my posts on finding an adopted out son, daughter, and birth parents. I have done some research on the subject and will share it with you. If you remember I was found on Facebook. That would be a good place to start, there are many many people on Facebook.

My Adopted Out Son – the Wow Factor

I remember when they first drove up my driveway a year ago and he stepped out of the car.  I couldn’t believe my eyes, there he was. The son I thought of so many times in the 38 years we were apart.  It was like a dream come true. So many times I would try to find him but money stopped me. Everyone wanted a lot of money for the search. I got nowhere on my own. They one day on went on my Facebook page and there he was. Wow!

Come revel with me in the joy of discovery. I am so grateful to my daughter who insisted I get on Facebook and thank you Facebook for being the vehicle for my adopted out son to finally find me.

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Teen Pregnancy – Making a Decision

During this chaotic time you need to focus on the needs of your baby. No teen pregnancy is easy, but you have to try to fight through the emotions and reach some rational decisions. What really helped me to make a list of the pros and cons for giving my son up for adoption or keeping him. This was difficult for me because for the first time in my life I had to consider what was best for someone other than myself. My baby’s needs had to come before mine.

If you have a strong support group they will be there for you when you need some advice or just a shoulder to cry on. If you find yourself without support there are online forums and organizations that will help get answers to any questions you may have. But, when you need that shoulder to cry on they won’t be much help.

Teen Pregnancy and Adoption – Tough Love

No matter what situation you find yourself in one thing is constant if you choose to adopt your child out…your heart will break. It is going to be tough, but always remember you are doing what is best for your baby. It is the hope of all parents that they can provide a loving and stable home for their children. Children thrive in a stable environment and few teenagers can provide that, one more difficult situation regarding teen pregnancy.

Things are so much better now for adopting out a child then it was for me 39 years ago. Now you can get in touch with a variety of family services that will help with these decisions and provide guidance for the steps to become a birth parent.

• Let you choose the tempo of the adoption. In addition it will be your decision as to when and how you will meet the adopting parents. How you communicate with them will also be your choice.

• Help you decide which type of adopting couples you choose to consider as prospective parents for your child. The final choice will be yours.

• You will work in conjunction with the adoptive parents in determining how you would stay in touch after the birth of the child. You may want to communicate by email, photos, or arranged visits. This will be a decision agreed upon by both parties, always keeping in mind what is best for the child’s future.

Teen Pregnancy and Responsibility

This may be the first time in life where you need to be and feel responsible. Don’t try to pass this off to your parents, siblings, or anyone else. This decision is ultimately yours so come to the wisest decision possible for you at this crucial time in your life. At this moment you are the parent of this child and are therefore responsible to provide for the future of your baby. You naturally want your child to live a safe, happy, and secure life. And this is where the tears and heartache come raining down on you — you may simply not be able to give your child all those things.

A decision of this magnitude requires a great deal of responsibility and courage. I know how difficult it can be. I went through a teen pregnancy. And I applaud you for it.

Because of my pregnancy when I was just sixteen I can completely relate to the emotional trials a young girl has to deal with when faced with becoming a birth parent. My first reaction of course was I wanted to keep it. Being so young I was not thinking about the baby. I was just in love with the idea of having this wonderful little being.

I was able to hide the fact I was pregnant until I began to show in the third month. I was scared to death to tell my folks. They took it badly and it shattered me. They did not want their friends and neighbors to know so they made plans for me to live with my brother. Eventually I came to the decision I would give the baby up for adoption.

Birth Parent – Confusion Reigns

I was devastated! I was frantic to hold on to the infant so I ran away to a friend’s house. My friend had a single mom friend staying with her who had a new born child. This friend had nowhere else to go so she alternated living with friends. I remember standing over the baby in the bassinet and thinking, what was I going to do?  Where would I stay? How would I support the child? Having no answers to these questions I realized I would soon be a birth mother for a family that would raise my child.

I didn’t know the answers to these questions. It frightened me. I returned home and told my family I would agree to the adoption. I laid down some rules for the adoption and they (my family) agreed to them and found someone to fit the bill.

Birth Parent – the Birth

So on a cold December morning my son was born. On that day I officially became a birth parent. He was just the most adorable little baby. I told them I would not sign anything until I got the chance to hold him. When they handed me my son he was so warm and cuddly and just a fussing some, but her quieted down as soon as I held him. My heart melted when he saw me for the first time. We smiled at each other and I vowed to him that we would see each other again someday but for now I wouldn’t be able to take care him.

As the years went by I wanted to find out how he was doing, who he looked like and so on. But each time I tried I would hit a wall. I never forgot a thing about him. Though I knew nothing about him I always ached to hold him again. Through the years I made attempts to find him through various adoption sites but just kept hitting dead ends. I was hoping that he was trying to find his birth parents and would eventually find me.

Eventually I met my husband and we had three wonderful kids. We managed to get two of them married off. When my husband retired we made the decision to sell our house and relocate to a warmer climate.

Birth Parent – He Found Me

It was December 2009 and I was talked into signing up on Facebook a several months earlier. One evening I received a message from a young man saying that he had reason to believe that I might be the birth mother of a friend of his.

And just like that 38 years later I was found. Yes he was my son. I was his birth mother.  The emotions just flowed in and I couldn’t think. We talked on the phone for months getting to know each other. I was so nervous that he would think I was a monster giving my child away like that. He said he understood that there might have been extenuating circumstances. He was so kind and thoughtful and sweet.

We have gotten together twice now and it’s so easy for me to be with him, talk to him. I strongly urge everyone searching for a birth parent(s) or a child given up for adoption to never quit searching. Go in with no expectations and your rewards can be life changing.  Don’t wait until it’s too late. Finding birth parents will forever change your life.

My adopted out son has created a life for himself that must people would be proud of. He has a great love life, wonderful friends, and a career he can be proud of. I am so grateful he took the time to find me, and the courage to make contact with me. We now talk once or twice a week to each other. They are going to try to make to our place for Thanksgiving, but if not we will try to see each other when it becomes possible.

This is just my opinion, but I feel it is easier for an adopted out child to make contact with a birth mother, or birth parents than a birth parent trying to find their child. The reason I say this is that more often the parent may have gone through the process of raising other children and there is less intrusion upon a life they have built. An adopted child may be building a life of their own, still heavily involved with their adoptive family, and may make the introduction of a birth parent more confusing. But, in either case, I am a proponent for finding birth parents or adopted out children. As a birth mother I always wondered how my son’s life had turned out, wishing and hoping for the best. And as a birth mother having gotten together with my adopted out son again, I can assure birth parents that your adopted out child has so many questions for you and often aches just to meet you.

I urge all of you not to hesitate to make contact if you are on the fence about a similar situation in your life.

I was looking at some pictures that were taken at the time of his visit and there is one with my other three children and him.
When I look at mine and my husband’s children I get a kind of warmth, I guess from having raised such wonderful people. Then when I look at “him” I feel a kind of failure on my part. I let him go off and grow up without me. His adoptive parents were very good to him and he had more chances than I could ever have given him, but that has little effect on how I feel. It’s really a paradox I am sure most birth mothers find themselves in…I am so happy he has had a wonderful childhood and has turned out to be a great guy, but I am still struggling with the fact that I was not a part of all that. But, on the bright side, I will be in his life from now on…and that is pretty awesome.

If you are still on the fence about trying to find your birth parents or adopted out child I recommend that you go for it. Don’t wait. You never know how much time you will have left and why not share it with that beautiful baby you gave life to, or your birth mother and/or father. It’s a chapter in your life that can be closed or opened up to an amazing new story line. You have nothing more to lose but all the doubts you have had through the years. You’ve already missed out on so much. It’s okay to be nervous, but don’t let imagined fears hold you back. And for all you birth mothers out there wondering about your adopted out child, JUST…GO…FOR…IT!

What was really great is how well my husband and children accepted Brian into the family. It really made me count my blessings. My husband has been supportive of my situation throughout our lives, but it really made me feel…I guess I just can’t put it into words…truly, truly grateful. I think he was as nervous about meeting my son today as I was.

We took a drive by his boyhood home. After seeing the beautiful home he was raised in I felt better about my decision so many years ago. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to connect with him. All those years I was afraid to search for him was such a waist of  precious time and I don’t recommend the wait. Life is too short. Don’t put off a decision you can make today. There may be no tomorrow.

Sixteen and Pregnant-Realities

When I was Sixteen and Pregnant for two months, I decided to run away to escape all the pushing and arguing my family was doing over my baby and I. I had a friend who lived with a woman who had just had a baby. This woman was a single mom. I hung out there for a day watching their activities and at one point I was on the front porch watching the baby sleep. I was a little concerned that they would leave this baby outside in a bassinet all by itself. As I stood there watching this tiny baby it hit me. How am I going to take care of my baby? I have no where to live and no money. I could get a job but that would only last until the baby was born, and then what? I didn’t know anyone who I could bunk with or who could take care of the baby while I worked. I wanted better for my child. So I went back home and told everyone that I would agree to the adoption if they followed a few terms that I laid out. And before I knew it the baby boy was born and gone.

Sixteen and Pregnant – Living with Your Decision

My whole life I had occasional doubts if this was the right thing to do. I have been fortunate enough to have a great marriage and three great children with my husband. In my mind I knew it was the right thing to do for both my son and I, but the heartstrings pulled on occasion.

My Son – the Beginning

When I was 17 years old (38 years ago) I met a guy who was incredibly cool and a drummer in a band. I hung with him every chance I could get. Well one night at a “party,” now remember it was the early 70’s, we went off on our own and well you guessed it, another teen pregnancy.

My Son-the Battle to Keep Him

After a long battle with the parent’s and family I was forced to give my son up for adoption. I laid down a few rules and  they all told me they found someone who fit the bill.  As it turned out it was a family related to my brother-in-laws boss or something like that. After turning my son over to the authorities involved with this, I cried, and cried. My sister who was at the hospital with me and my mother, didn’t want me crying in front of my mom because she claimed it was too hard on HER! So I sucked it up and never said another word to the family about it.

Through the years my son has often crossed my mind. Every time I saw a baby or a toddler I wondered who my son looked like? What was he like? Was he happy? I tried many times to look him up but it cost money back then to find someone. I also wondered if I would be gumming things up. I didn’t know if he knew and I didn’t want to upset the people who were so wonderful to take my son in.

My Son – Reaching Out

Well, times changed and a little thing called Facebook came along and BAM! I was found. I received a direct message on Facebook one day from his spouse asking me if I was his mother and he left me some details of my son’s birth. I knew it was my son. Shortly after that we began phoning each other and slowly began the process of getting to know one another. I was so nervous to have that first phone conversation…but it went well.

He has found out he has two half brothers and a half sister, who all can’t wait to meet him. Like I said, my son is coming here from Georgia where   lives, to meet us all on July 8. I am nervous and excited and can’t wait for that day. I will keep you up dated on everything as it unfolds. Wish me luck.